my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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