barbara walters just said penis...
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
