well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize