Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
