I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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