bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
