He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
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Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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