It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
