I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
