Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
