So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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