he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
