How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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