we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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