awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
