Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
