My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
