Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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