I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
