I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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