I cockslap morals
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
