Just fell off a train. Bad.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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