it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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