susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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