last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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