what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
