You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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