You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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