Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
