bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
