How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
