No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
