I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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