we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
