Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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