Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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