she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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