I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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