Church boner. Awkwardddd
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
