meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
