You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
