There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
