Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
This is my gift to your gina
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
