Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
