i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
he shaved USA in his pubs
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
