How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
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I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
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