WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
