3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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