why didn't you poke me back
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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