found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
