Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
