i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I met the friendliest cop last night
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
