You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
