It's Friday. Sex?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize
