She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
