I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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