There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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