my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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