Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
