So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
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