I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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