Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
