as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
