listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize