Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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