He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
