I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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