apparently the secret to your success is patron
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
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