my room smells like sperm. sweet.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Boobs speak an international language.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
