i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
