Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
