So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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