So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I enjoy the company of your penis
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
