I seem to have left my pride at pride
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
